Operation Lopitoff complete

Well Operation Lopitoff has been completed and I now have a one legged mumborg.

Waiting, waiting and a bit of waiting.

Although I knew that the operation would most likely be on the Friday just gone, it was not for definite. So on Thursday, the triumvirate finally made the decision that the leg would be lopped off on the Friday. I am nicknaming the three surgeons the 'Triumvirate', because it sounds cool and there are three of them. The gruesome thrusome, didn't quite work or sound evil enough. Even though to all accounts they are all lovely and have just fallen victim to my artistic license.
Anyhoo back on track, things were scheduled to kick off at around 11am on Friday morning. I think waiting around for word from the hospital is quite possibly one of the most difficult things about these types of situations. You are literally helpless. If you have flown recently, you may have noticed the flight tracker thingy on the little screen that lets you know the flight progress, one of those would be great for surgery. Although if things started flashing and suddenly went blank, that may cause some concern...
You try not to let your mind wander 'there', my there is the death type of 'there'.  The thought of the mumborg dying on the operating table is a nightmare of mine. But like every surgery, there is that tricky thing of complications and possibilities, so I would rather be armed with the worst possible outcomes, than blind to them.
After sevenish hours of waiting, we finally heard that she was out of surgery and had ended up straight back on her ward. I was expecting HDU at the very least, maybe even ICU time, but for her to be back on her ward was good news. At first when I heard she was back on her ward, I actually hoped that they hadn't done the operation or had somehow fixed the leg. I went through all those thoughts in my head, because I didn't want any disappointment to show in my face. The dad went to see her first, they needed a moment just for themselves. Then a while later, Heather and I went in.
My eyes went first to the large space where the leg and bits once were, in that moment it seemed like a huge chunk of her was missing. It is hard to put into words how it feels in that moment, because as you are looking, your mind is already adapting. I suppose I would go with 'weird', it just felt weird. Then the mumborg speaks and the weirdness fades a wee bit, because it is still her.

It doesn't grow back

As far as the surgeons are concerned the operation went well, even though they are still upset that it came to this. I think they are relieved that things are healing well and mumborg came through the operation in as good a condition as one could expect.

Where is the leg?
The Mumborg was hoping that they would be able to do something useful with the leg, at least study the epic fail of a limb that it is, but alas no. Due to the very heavy restrictions on all things in regards to infection control, the leg had to go straight to the incinerator. I guess that could be classed as a funeral of sorts, well at least a cremation. Unfortunately we don't get the ashes, so when she does pop her clogs in the far far distant future she will be missing a bit.

One Legged Mumborg

I found a earlier model of the one legged mumborg here - One legged hopper

Once the relief kicks in that the mumborg made it through the operation, the realisation that I have a one legged mumborg sets in. You know it is going to happen, you talk about it happening, but then it actually happens. Quite frankly it is rather shocking, a large part of a person you love is missing. Tis not the outward that makes up the essence of a person, so whilst she is incomplete on the outside, inside in a soul like way she is the same person. Does that make it easier to get your hand around? Yes to some extent it does.

What next?

Let us leave that morbid stuff behind and focus on the positive stuff, which is basically wrapped up in one neat package called 'Mumborg'. The mumborg is already 'up' and about, in regards to being allowed in her electric wheelchair, but that is causing some pain, not that she would admit to it. The wound is dry (no ooze or blood) and she may even be allowed off the antibiotics soon. I thought she would be on IV antibiotics for months, but looks like this wont be happening, which is great.
The next challenge is physiotherapy and the question of will she be able to walk on crutches? Considering that her shoulders dislocate all the time and the other leg is not exactly fantastic, this possibility is still very much up in the air. Although the mumborg is determined to walk again, so who am I to discourage that. If things go really well, then she could be home soon and back to being the pain in my arse, hooray!


Random thoughts
Time flies when you are not having fun! Can't believe it has been nearly two weeks since I wrote anything on here. It has been a roller-coaster of emotions, that has left me feeling a bit nauseous and very bloody tired!


If you have only recently joined in on the mumborg adventures just click the 'mum' to find out more.

Introducing Mr Lopitoff

Every story needs a villain, so in the latest Mumborg trials who better than the surgeon who will remove her leg? So I thought I would introduce you to Mr Lopitoff (Not his real name), the Mr is because he is a surgeon and not just a mere doctor. He is supposedly a nice man and a great doctor, but I shall be ignoring that for the sake of artistic license or some such bollocks. Through the power of text and twitter, the mumborg and I reached a compromise with 'Mr Lopitoff', but who knows this may change, especially if we think of something funnier.
The Mumborg doesn't actually read this here blog, because I don't let her have computer access, but she does know that I write about and doodle her. Even so she frequently tells people about the blog, including the lovely hospital chaplain (waves at him and hopes he doesn't notice the bad words). The chaplain was nice enough to print off this doodle for mum's room. It was that doodle that Mr lopitoff commented on and boy will the poor sod rue that day. When the mumborg told me that he, along with a few others on the ward, really liked the doodles (inflated ego alert!), I thought hmmmmm?? What about adding a surgeon to the doodle adventures? Mumborg loved the idea, so poor Mr Lopitoff doesn't know that the Mumborg then enlisted a fellow doctor to steal his picture, so that I had good doodle material to work with. Who knows what will happen to Mr Lopitoff, I suppose it depends on how good a job he does in surgery, No pressure! Actually a shit load of pressure, as I wouldn't want to kill off his character so soon.....

Things you shouldn't hear in surgery:

Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.

If you have only recently joined in on the mumborg adventures just click the 'mum' to find out more.

Risking Life and Limb

When writing the post entitled The Resilient Leg, I already knew that the bloody thing wasn't resilient. It should have been called The Resilient Mumborg, as she keeps going even when certain limbs become defective and dangerous. Can you guess where I am going with this post? The thing that I had hoped I would never have to write about, well one of the things anyways. The Mumborg and the not so resilient leg have decided to part ways and it is not on good terms at all. There is nothing more the doctors can do with the leg, other than lop it off, so that is what they will be doing in a few weeks. It takes a while to get things sorted. Teams of surgeons, an operating theatre booked for the day, oodles of blood ready to go. Also the mumborg has to be in as tip top shape as one can be, when one is having their leg removed.

Amputate verb
cut off, remove, separate, sever, curtail, truncate, lop off.

The type of amputation is call a Hind-quarter amputation or a

Hemipelvectomy (posh whatnot name as one of mum's nurses said)

(Science: procedure) amputation of a lower limb through the sacroiliac joint.

How do you feel?
People have asked me, including myself how hearing that the mumborg losing the leg is affecting me.
Do you want to know that I have sat here with tears running downing my face, trying to choke them back at times. I don't want a hug, I don't want sympathy, and I want to cry about it. I don't want the feelings to overwhelm me, but I don't want to ignore them either. There is a sense of relief letting the tears flow and at times snot flows too, then I wipe my face with dressing gown sleeve and carry on. I don't want an audience when I feel like this, I am not bottling it up, it is just mine and for me. So when people ask, I say 'If the mum is okay, then so am I', it is my new mantra. I know it is a shit situation, I know I have every reason to be upset, I also know that words and hugs wont make it all better. That probably makes me sound like an ungrateful wretch, but that is just how I roll. That doesn't mean don't ask me or don't express what you are feeling, I appreciate it, and I really do. It all gets filed into a special place that I know I can dip into when I need it.

When good old Willy wrote this:

"Care I for the limb, the thews, the stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man! Give me the spirit."

 William Shakespeare quotes (English Dramatist, Playwright and Poet, 1564-1616)

I don't think Willy had the mumborg in mind, or indeed amputation, but for me this sums up what is important. The mumborg is full of spirit no matter what her body has in mind for her, her spirit is as resilient as ever. If she was devastated about this, I have no idea how I would feel, luckily I don't have to go there. As I looked around for more appropriate limb quotes, if there is such a thing, I came across this one

"The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired."

Robert Southey quotes (English Poet and Writer of prose. 1774-1843)

Is that true I wonder? Will time heal the anguish, but leave a loss? Luckily through writing, even when it feels indulgent and emo, I am thankful for this space to write. Mainly because I will be able to look back at this in a few weeks, months or years and see how things have changed for me.


How does the mumborg feel?
The mumborg has had to live with the pain, the operations, the long long hospital stays and everything else. So quite frankly she is more than okay with divorcing this limb. Yet again I went quote searching for a way to sum up how she has explained it to me and this one does it quite well.

"I would consent to have a limb amputated to recover my spirits"

 Samuel Johnson quotes (English
Poet, Critic and Writer. 1709-1784)

Where is the leg going?
Once the leg is removed it will more than likely be incinerated, the mumborg thinks this is wasteful and has asked whether it would be of use to anyone else. That made me laugh , maybe the local zoo would like it for lion food? She wasn't impressed with my suggestion of cremating the leg and keeping it in a mini urn, waiting for the rest of her. I thought it was a practical suggestion, apparently not. Joking aside maybe some medical students can practice their suturing skills on it or something like that, seems a shame to just chuck it in a furnace. Although as I am typing this, I actually think 'Fuck it' and 'Burn that fucker' would be more appropriate.

Final thoughts for now
The operation is going to be horrendous, with side effects of severe blood loss and possibly death, so until the operation stage is over I am just going to focus on the day to day things of life, as best I can. After that I will be looking into the new world of buying one shoe, one legged doodles and all things amputee related.

I have not forgotten about my mental health monsters, I have more than ever developing and welcome the chance to indulge in something that feels rewarding, whilst still being hugely enjoyable.

If you have only recently joined in on the mumborg adventures just click the 'mum' to find out more.

A pictorial update

I am currently working on my next mental health monster post and would like to thank everyone for reading the boggart post! It is reassuring to know that I can write a long post and not cause everyone to run to hills! Hooray for me.

If you have any mental health monster suggestions feel free to leave them in the comment box. So far I have the Procrastinating Poltergeist, who is helped out by the Lethargic Leprechaun and the Imp of Inertia. Also I have the Transference Troll and the Depressed Dragon. Some kind soul suggested the Nymphomaniac Gnome, but I think I will leave that one for now, unless it suddenly becomes a burning issue.

While I am working on the new material, I will throw up some photographs for you to gaze upon.

First is a collage of my cousin Sam's passing out parade, which basically means he has completed his first six months training in the army, Royal Engineers to be more precise.

After the parade, the Dad and I headed through the Cotswolds and had a lovely weekend looking at villages and eating nice food. I would of took a lot more photographs, but had a major battery fail and had to steal these ones off the dad.