Sod the rubber sword

“Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood”

Mary Hirsch quotes

I was looking for an appropriate blood related quote, which was both humorous and poignant, for this latest blog post title. I finally decided on "Sod the rubber sword" after coming across the above quote by Mary Hirsch. I thought it would make the point, that I am making a point by drawing/donating blood this coming Friday, with a dash of humour.When else would I get to write something like "Sod the rubber sword"?(don't answer that). Whilst I say with confidence that I am donating blood on Friday, I could of course make a holy show of myself by puking or fainting or both. At least that would make a fun post and you could mock me at will.
Its especially important to me because of the mumborg and her current defective status. She had reached normal Hb levels on Saturday and wasn't expected to need anymore blood. Unfortunately these doctors like to change their minds more often than a whore's knicker elastic breaks, so on arrival at visiting time today, she was hooked up to another bag of the red stuff. Also the wound is still leaking and they have decided to open it up (well open it more) and have a look/rummage/poke. This involves an operating theatre, blood, superglue and some sticky back plastic, well maybe not the sticky back plastic. So as she is losing blood on Friday, I should hopefully be giving it, the circle of life continues, in its weird bloody way.

“Of all that is written, I love only what a person has written with his own blood”
Friedrich Nietzsche quotes (German classical Scholar, Philosopher and Critic of culture, 1844-1900.

I am sure good old Frieddy was being all deep and meaningful, but sometimes it just sounds like a load of old pretentious bollocks.

The best blood will at some time get into a fool or a mosquito.
Author: Austin O'Malley

Mine better not get into a fool! I would be exceptionally pissed off. You aint putting my blood in no fool, fool.

Erm..... Just go and give some bloody blood! If you cant, then club someone over the head, kindly ask friends and family to go in your stead.

Give Blood

Taking the PICC

Click image to Biggify

Well the mumborg is still leaking away after copious swaddling and bandaging. She has been swaddled more than baby jeebus and bandaged tighter than Tutankhamen, but the blood still keeps on oozing.
Also her veins have given up the ghost and she had to have a PICC line inserted, so they could easily administer the blood transfusions and IV antibiotics. Her hand in the picture above is bruised and battered because of the constant blood tests and IV's, so the PICC line was the only way to go. Of course nothing is ever simple with the mumborg and it took three attempts to get a PICC line in, which hopefully will now last six months.
At the moment she needs another three units of blood and lots of antibiotics, just one unit of blood takes four hours to drip drip its way into the mumborg, the thing is almost hypnotising when you see it, drip dripping away. After every unit of blood, a bag of IV antibiotics is needed, which takes two hours, then another unit of blood and so on. I am just tired typing that, so as you can imagine the mumborg is in serious need of uninterrupted regeneration time. That wont happen until all the blood is in and the wound has stopped bloody leaking.

All this blood loss and leaking has made me think about donating blood, its something I have always 'meant' to do, but somehow never got round to it. The mumborg would be dead without the kindness of strangers going out of their way and donating some of the red stuff. When I got back from the hospital I checked the local paper and there is blood drive (?) on the 27th, so I think I will go and just bloody do it!

Mumborg mummy

After the recent blood spurting from wound and ominous clot incident, the surgeon decided it would be good idea to open things up and 'hoover' out the clot. I am not sure if hoover is the technical term, the mumborg quite possibly made that up.Hold the phone! Hoovering is not that far from the truth , 'suctioning' or 'vacuming' are both terms used in that procedure, so she wasn't that far off. So from midnight last night she has put on nil by mouth, as per usual when its the night before a surgical procedure.
Fast forward to visiting time today and it turns out, that after many hours of deliberation (and nil by mouth), they decided to forego surgery for awhile and see if some heavy duty bandages would stop the blood loss. If so, they will then figure out what to do about the clot, if its still a problem. The already anaemic mumborg needs some more blood for now and some IV antibiotics to ward off evilness.While the mumborg is not quite mummified, its not far off.

If a mumborg loses her bandages, how long does she have to stay in the hospital?

Until she is completely recovered........

Sprung a leak

The mumborg has decided to lose more blood, by spurting forth copious amounts from the operation wound. So she needs a few more top ups to get back to the acceptable Hb limits. During all this malarkey a clot has formed, that will now have to be scanned using ultrasound to see if it needs to be drained. Other than that the mumborg is doing well and still manages to give me long to do lists.......

Ummm Coffee

Firstly thanks for comments on the post Unclean unclean, from the well wishes to sharing personal experiences, I really do have the best readers and commenter's. I hope other people take the time to read them, because most of the time your comments are better than my drivel. That is not just me arse kissing, I really mean it.

The mumborg is doing really well at the moment and hopefully the doctor is going to give me some notes, so I can write about the procedure in more gory details. The only worry was the amount of blood lost in surgery, so the mumborg has had to have a few top ups. If things go to plan she should be released and back terrorising me soon.

In the meantime I have been trying some real coffee that I got free to review, that will be up soonish, the review I mean. Well as soon as I climb down from the walls, seriously who would of thunk that real coffee is so much stronger than instant stuff. Update: Real coffee versus Instant Coffee post can now be found here or below this post depending on when you read this article.

ps: A big thanks to the tweeple that befriended at the Liverpool Twestival last night! I would of looked like a right sad twat if you hadn't beeen so nice to me.

Real Coffee versus Instant

Please don't scream in terror when you read about my relationshop with coffee so far, I was just brought up that way.

Instant coffee has been part of my daily caffiene intake since I was about 12 ish, courtesy of a naughty grandma who let me get away with murder.  If you go into a supermarket in any part of the UK, there are tons of instant coffees to chose from and that is what I have always picked. There is real coffee about and some great coffee shops, so its not a total real coffee blackhole. I am not sure why instant coffee rules the roost in so many UK households, the difference in cost isn't that vast. I have become so use to flicking the kettle on and scooping the instant stuff in my mug, that it will be a hard habit to break.
Why break the habit then? On my trip to America last year, I was met with gasps of horror when mentioning that I always had instant at home and it was presumed that I musn't really like the stuff. How wrong they were and I overdosed on lovely coffee during my stay stateside. When I arrived back home I slipped back into my instant coffee habit and almost forgot about real coffee once again. Well apart from the odd cappucino at college (every chance I could get).
When Fuel My Blog offered us Free coffee to review, I of course jumped at the chance! Because I love free stuff and coffee, perfect. When it arrived the smell was amazing! Yes I sniffed the package and opened it excitedly. I really couldn't wait to try it, but something wasn't quite right with all this. It was almost like I had forgotten something. As well as forgetting my marbles, I had forgotten that I would need some essential coffee making equipment! The old coffee maker had been chucked donkey's ago. So I decided to get a cafietere (plungy thing) as they are decently priced and I thought it was sensible for my first forray into real coffee making. Also the type of coffe I was sent said it was suitable for a cafietere as its a coarse ground coffee.
More about the coffee I was sent, it was an Ethiopian Sidamo and the site is called the CoffeeBeanShop. It smells wonderful as stated above and once I figured out how much to put in cafietere, I was off. It was definitely stronger than instant, with a natural almost sweetness to it, that meant I hardly added any sugar to it. The site describes it as deep, rich, earthy, syrupy and chocolaty, which I agree with. Another good thing about this coffee, is that its fairtrade. In this day and age everything should be, but alas its not. So the site gets three thumbs up for promoting and supporting fairtrade.
It must of been a good blend or whatever you call it because on checking the site, it has ruddy sold out! But you can request an email update if they get it back into stock. I guess they will have to send me another to review now? 
In the interest of fairness I went back to my usual brand of instant after drinking a pot or two of the real/proper stuff. That was a big mistake, because now my once beloved instant tastes like ash, not arse which is what somebody thought I said (not naming names). Have I been totally converted to the wonder of the proper stuff? Simple answer..... Yes. Will I ever sleep again.....No.

Check out the CoffeeBeanShop for all their other coffee like goodness.

Unclean Unclean!

Well you know how I love a catchy title, especially when talking about the mumborg. What am I yammering on about this time? The lovely topic of mumborg and the not so lovely fact that she has MRSA again.

The not so curious case of MRSA and The Mumborg 2009

The mumborg arrived in hospital on Monday with a suspected dislocated bionic hip and possible shifting of one of the pins holding bionic leg together. She is assessed and kept in the observation area of the hospital, swabs are taken and she is clear of MRSA at this point.

After being diagnosed with a broken 'cup' part of the bionic hip, also some problems in the locking mechanism and lining, the mumborg is sent up to the orthopaedic wards. At this point she is settled in and more swabs and bloods are taken. It is after the results come back from these tests, that it shows she is now positive for MRSA and is promptly moved to her own room.

This reminds me of a biblical quote by this bloke:

'People who come down with a skin disease must wear torn clothes and leave their hair uncombed. They must cover their upper lips and call out, 'Unclean, unclean!'
Leviticus 13:45

Okay that one is a bit extreme, let the woman comb her hair and keep her nightgown in one piece.Maybe the original blogger Samuel Pepys can sum it up better, using the plague of 1665 as inspiration.

This day I did in Drury Lane see two or three houses marked with a red cross upon their doors and "Lord have mercy upon us" writ there, which was a sad sight to me." Plague was so common that this would have been a common sight in London with the person seeing it simply feeling sorry for the family inside the locked house.

 Does the NHS need their own personal Great Fire of London (1666), to sort this bloody MRSA mess out?

Excuse the drama llama in me and I do not wish to appear flippant, I just need to vent. I understand the reasons of putting the mumborg in her own room, heck if I was in hospital, I would love my own room! That's better than mad old Betty trying to get in bed with you or her trying to use your chair as a commode (true stories). Also I would not want it passed onto anyone else, especially the ones even more vulnerable than my mumborg. Anyhoo back on track with the tale of the unclean.

Once she is safely away from all the other patients and in her own room, the nurses have to take special care when they are in the room.Wearing disposable plastic bibs over uniform, disposable gloves and washing hands thoroughly after removing said gloves.

Today she went into surgery to have the broken hip cup replaced, locking mechanism fixed and some new lining put in. It was a seven hour operation and fingers crossed everything went well. The problem is that now she has had surgery, the risk of infection is even higher than usual and there is no way of knowing if the wound will get infected or not. They will want to get her out of hospital pretty sharpish, but at what cost?

I am not shocked by the fact that the mumborg had got MRSA again whilst in hospital, even though it is shockingly disgusting that it has happened. I am disappointed though and it leaves you wondering what they are actually doing about it, in the big picture sense. All of the hoo-ha about it in the news, over and over again, yet there it is, still hanging around ready to pounce on the vulnerable. I use the alcohol gel repeatedly on entering and exiting the ward. Do you? Are you ever asked to? Should you be asked?. All I know is that they are very very strict on the times you can visit your friends/family, keeping the doors locked till its exactly visiting time and kicking you out promptly when visiting time runs out. I have never been asked to clean my hands, but it certainly wouldn't bother me if I was. Would it really irk you if you were asked to do it? I know I am guilty of tutting very loudly when I spot somebody not using the gel. Do people really not know how important it is?

Did you hear they've banned Scrabble from hospital wards? 
They're scared patients will get MRSA.

Action stations, action stations!

When you live with someone who has a long history if illness, I think you react in a totally different way from the norm, when incidents/accidents occur. If it was a rare occurrence, say someone tripped and broke a leg, panic can set in and you can run round like a headless chuck. Although the mumborg is physically disabled, there is a BIG difference between that and actually being ill, if you know what I mean? Just because your disabled doesn't mean you are actually ill. So the mumborg is a lot of the time vulnerable/ill as well as having physical disabilities. When she is less ill, her being disabled doesn't stop her doing anything. When she is in tip top condition, she doesn't even listen to me, the cheeky bugger.

Lately she has been doing well, the bionic hip and leg, have been playing nicely together and she can actually walk around the house a lot better (with walking thingamabob). She still has to rely on electric wheelchair or scooter when playing outside, seriously if you see her jump out of the way (demonic force on wheels).

Wondering why I am writing this now? The mumborg dislocated bionic hip from bionic socket on the bionic leg. She then managed to relocate it herself. So the following questions and statements, fell out of my mouth whilst trying to ascertain the seriousness of the matter.

1. Oh for fucks sake.

2. Can you relocate it yourself?

3. You calling the ambulance or should I?

4. Stupid woman.

5. Out of ten how is the pain?

6. Just answer me woman.

7. No that is not an acceptable level of pain (lots of muttering under breath).

8. Your a pain in the arse.

9. What can I get for you?

10. Oh joy.

11. I will go to sleep when you go to sleep, got it? good.

12. Great! (heavy sarcasm).

13. Yes I am still awake, what am I? A bloody ghostly apparition?

I don't flap about, I don't cry and to be totally honest in that moment I don't think that much. Its all hands to the deck, get things sorted, chop chop chop. When things quiet down, that is when the negative thoughts seep in. Like 'why this again', 'how long in hospital this time', 'will something bad happen if I fall asleep?', not pleasant thoughts I know. They are quickly shrugged off, as I make the millionth cup of tea and mess around on the computer, with both ears listening out for anything. There is really no point even pretending to go to bed, because there is no way I would fall asleep. So I wait till the morning hours, checking in frequently, fetching water, making her comfortable etc. Until someone else takes over and then I sleep properly, which doesn't really happen either. The truth of the matter is, when mumborg is ill, I can only sleep when she in hospital. That way I know she is constantly getting checked on. Also the fact that there are doctors and nurses about, does ease my mind.

Current mumborg status: Although bionic hip and bionic leg are cooperating there seems to be a nerve/tendon malfunction. So the mumborg will have to shipped back to sender and have a patch up. She shouldn't need an upgrade, if there was even a upgrade invented that she hasn't already had. It turns out she didn't want to go into hospital this weekend, as she knows nothing much would get done on a weekend. Also as she had a bit of a stomach bug, she was waiting for that to clear, so they couldn't moan about that when admitting her.

So off she will go tomorrow. I will not be accompanying her because I now have that stomach bug. Holy ring of hell, that's all I am saying on that matter.

Will update when I know more.

The mumborg story in doodles